5:15 a.m. Monday—Here I am laying in my grand daughter’s bed, in my second oldest son Nate’s house, with Christmas just a week away. Nate is a good man, with a wonderful wife and kids. My grandchildren are nearby.
My mind drifts to the days I officiated over the wedding of Nate and Bre as a pastor just after Christmas years ago. Now, they are such a blessing to me, and to Kate, and Alaine. They have given us a wonderful gift of a weekend together at Christmas.
Love has flowed in these too few hours together. It has been joyful. My heart is full, but then there is that twinge, that ache. Memories of so many Christmases and a life lived here are flowing through my mind. It’s always mixed emotions visiting Western New York. This is my hometown. I was born here and lived here most of my life. 3/5 of my children live here. My grandkids live here. The reality is, I do not.
Life has taken me to a new beginning in a new country, city, and a new life. My heart longs for reunion. For everyone to be together—my family in two worlds all together as one.
I long to be one again laughing and loving with my family all together around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. I would wear my Christmas hat in my own house and hand out presents and make everyone a big Christmas breakfast. Then we would play games and just be, together, as family.
Then decisions were made. Trust broke. People got hurt. Timelines changed. Life in it’s strange way wrote new chapters. So many of us know pain alongside joy at the holidays. For those who have what I lost, never let go. Never give up. For those who know loss and grief at Christmas, hang on to your healing and to hope.
I have my faithful wife by my side. She is my present. She travels all these miles with me so I can be happy. My 18 month-old daughter nearby is still sleeping. This weekend I had a taste of heaven with two worlds together as one.
In a couple hours we will board a plane and fly away—again—till we do it again. Back to Florida to another gift of my parents having us share the season with them. I feel like I am imposing at times, yet, Life in this moment now moves to being together with my mother and stepfather at Christmas. Then, we will fly away to the other side of the world where I live and am blessed abundantly, where I dream, where I hope, where I remember. Where I live and am loved. Where I am building and growing.
It truly is, a wonderful life.
